susha017

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_…

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_…

I tried so hard in my journal posts from years ago hahaha really hard to not delete them all (honestly did one) but I'll probably think it's funny in another 3 years and hey that's the process no shame 
Teenagerism is quite the self inflicted hell
I'd rather be satan though than anyone else
I love this feature because it's sort of random honestly but extremely useful and could potentially open up someone to writing a novel here or something as opposed to posting new chapters all the time.. just seems easier
I feel like everytime I post here I go through a breakup heh would your friends all be ex's because mine sure would :0
but being friends with an ex is also cool if you can be emotionally mature we'll see
I've been really into plants recently, I remember in the latter part of high school this garden instructor really inspired me and she always knew which plants were what and when my environmental science group went on a camping field trip she'd pick out which plants are edible and just eat them 
I was like 'what a g'
so I've been learning their scientific names and stuff. Mostly pretty babes so far.. everything sounds like a prehistoric cursee but it helps to know that all the scientific names  all end in ACEAE so cool
Im in a all girl band called secret secret AND DUDE READING THIS PROBABLY  ME ill have you know that everytime someone takes my band name suggestion seriously is when I'm NOT serious and it is eh but people like it and I feel weird if everyone starts voting on my idea and now I'm the one saying noo
But at least I communicated this with my band aha getting 10% more communicative every 2 years .-. .. Will probably change soon (Others include CHAOS BUTTON and 5 INCHES DEEP THATS JUST SAD )
it's really cool how certain people, even if not close friends, remain in your circle
thas some destiny shit
and destiny is what you make of it so don't weasel out of a great life just because you think you don't deserve better
.. or the ladder
Anyway, here is some good music/shows that I'm into now 



my best friend/ex showed me a lot of great music and got me into GRIMES i never thought but i totally love her now



for ex this is great but definitely check out more.. people got mad that she went poppier but eh even thats alright 


this just came on my spotify playist




khruangbin.bandcamp.com/'
 almost saw THIS band and the one above w sophia but did see chicano :") also my first witnessed car crash that our friend just bravely and drunkly went up to to check on the woman driving it was crazy so much chaos, ,, also C obviously 
\
I loved the gorillaz as a kid but really got to explore them again this year and counting



beautiful





even got me to like this but it was dormant in me i know
nobody lavas getting lava on them / be a friend/ beauty comes from within not cooped in / 


i love queens of stone age as much as tool back in the day heh this was definitely my year and will be


www.youtube.com/playlist?list=… cool music videos


QUEENS AND KYUSS AND THEYRE EXPERIMENTING ELECTRONICALLY ITS AMAZING





ofc





brian is my second father



not really this year thing but i thought it'd sound good remixed with the intro to red hot mama for some reason also it's beautiful and I sorta learned it on piano once but haven't relearned it yet and thoughts 


wanna get a drumpad or at least a working looper 

Very thankful we are constantly changing beings.. our identities don't need to be clung to it's all an ocean wave bby
see? i just started saying bby now as a catch phrase why not I guess who you are is what you're doing and your hobbies are just a memory of liking the doing and our thoughts are of doing or why doing  or how doing or etc. Finding myself is a dumb thought and being good enough for someone doesn't exist because thats comparative to something that doesn't exist right now time travel is the worst through anxiety fuck that shit loving is the easiest once the baggage is dropped 


<3
TreeSAK out

I've realized that the basis of depression and why so many people are falling to this path recently is due partly to conforming. People are letting rules and unwritten expectations guide their life. Naturally we all adapt to one another, especially considering how humans being social was the sole reason we have advanced so much as a civilization, yet when we let ourselves become corrupt and run by rules without question there is no room for growth. Why are we following one person's set of rules without creating our own? Were in cages we aren't even aware of existing, and choosing to live in these cages because ignorance is the easier path. Naturally, we will feel stuck when we aren't growing. Fight club is a good example, where Edward Norton is stuck at his boring same ol same ol office job, and creates an alter ego of himself where he is exciting, and the person he wants to be. We shouldn't have to create this alter ego, and actually live it. Fuckin punch yourself in the face once in a while. Ask that girl out. Be alive. Fear and Love are opposites, and if you choose fear over love you will never get love, and conform to sadness like everyone else. It's not even sadness actually, it's NUMBNESS. We'd rather not feel because that's become too intense for us. This Louie CK episode gave a good example "

• Dr. Bigelow: So you took a chance on being happy even though you knew that later on you would be sad?
• Louie: Yeah.
• Bigelow: And now you're sad?
• Louie: *nods* yeah.
• Bigelow: So what's the problem?
• Louie: I'm too sad. [pause] Look, I liked the feeling of being in love with her, I liked it. But now she's gone and I miss her and it sucks, and I didn't think it was gonna be this bad, and I feel like why even be happy if it's just gonna lead to this? It wasn't worth it.
• Bigelow: Misery is wasted on the miserable.
• Louie: What?
• Bigelow: You know, I'm not entirely sure what your name is, but you are a classic idiot. You think spending time with her, kissing her, having fun with her, you think that's what it was all about? That was love?
• Louie: Yeah!
• Bigelow: This is love. Missing her because she's gone, wanting to die; you're so lucky, you're like a walking poem. Would you rather be some kind of a fantasy, some kind of a Disney ride? Is that what you want? Don't you see this is the good part, this is what you've been digging for all this time. Now you finally have it in your hands, and this sweet nugget of love - sweet, sad, love - and you wanna throw it away. You've got it all wrong.
• Louie: I thought this was the bad part?
• Bigelow: No!! The bad part is when you forget her, when you don't care about her, when you don't care about anything. The bad part is coming so enjoy the heartbreak while you can, for god sakes."                            Because wouldn't you rather FEEL something, because we can, rather than let yourself hide away from anything that has the chance of hurting you. It's this comfort of conformity that is ruling our lives. Fuck, they even sound the same! Don't let yourself be because you think you're doing well, KNOW you are and have the balls to prove it.

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did.
All five horizons revolved around her soul as the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

Ooh, and all I taught her was everything
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore

....

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky,
But why, why, why can't it be, can't it be mine?